Derby Inuendo 101: If you lose your nuts, you lose your trucks!

Our Skates 101 demo proved that even grown women can enjoy some dirty jokes. "Some girls like 'em loose, some girls like 'em tight" caused a cacophony of giggles, although slightly delayed compared to the reaction to all the talk about nuts.

Last night we got a break from the brutal off skates cross-fit style training, and got a lesson from one of the vets on how to care for (and upgrade!) our skates. It was really cool to learn all the ins and outs of skates that don't have Fisher Price or Barbie decorations (I disassembled a few of those in my day), but it mostly made me even more frustrated that mine haven't arrived.

For more helpful tips, check out http://missmisery101.blogspot.com/

The skate order (which the league put together for a pretty substantial discount for us, which is awesome) got hung up at customs and still hasn't arrived. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to have to use the rental skates for practice. They absolutely suck--I feel like I'm going to fall over when doing crossovers at full speed, they smell like someone peed in all of them, and they make it really difficult to do a lot of the things we're learning. Plus it makes it hard for me to accessorize appropriately if I can't see them before choosing my laces, toe guards, etc.

We learned baseball/figure four stops tonight (think sliding into home base), which are sort of ouchy on the hip. I imagine they were even worse for the handful of girls who didn't have tights on--I'm betting there are a few girls nursing rink rash this morning. This stop is not nearly as fun as the Rock Star, or even the four point fall. At least on those you get to slide on your knees (where there is adequate padding). :P

Nothing's Sexier than a Bunch of Girls Grabbing their Vags (or Girls have Groins Too)

Boot camp tonight was rough on a lot of us. There were many limpy girls hobbling off the track by the end of the night with various ailments. My knee tells me that it's gonna rain (or maybe that it's just not happy with all of the lunges, one knee falls and the likes), and I managed to pull my groin in a way that hurts from my, well, groin all the way down to my mid calf. I've got the ice pack on it, but I'm not sure how much good it's doing (a good bendy ice pack is a highly recommended derby accessory). Hurts so good.

I think a lot of us were lured into a false sense of security after the weekend of recovering. "One knee turns were easy," I thought to myself over the weekend, reveling in dreams of derby glory. "And I really nailed those crossovers!" (Yeah, I know, I already talked about those, but I'm still stoked.) But the reality of derby practice is if you don't keep your skate close to your knee on one knee falls, you'll pull your groin muscle. And if you don't sit back on two knee falls (aka rock star falls), you can take a lot of the impact in your elbows and shoulders (more aches and pains).

One of my favorite things about derby is the excuse to wear all of my crazily colored tights (and of course the excuse to buy more), although I'm gonna have to invest in some more clear nail polish, because the velcro on all of the pads is not kind to them. "Grown ups" are typically expected to stick to neutral colors when it comes to tights, but I really love bright colors, and funky patterns. The weird looks I occasionally draw from people when I show up at work wearing neon green tights don't deter me from busting them out, but it's a rare treat to get to accessorize them with short shorts and a neon rainbow I heart San Francisco t-shirt.

Despite all of the injuries, derby is still pretty rad. I'm closer to figuring out crossovers the "wrong" way (left footed ones), and I felt the same level of pumped-ness leaving. Tonight I was ready with some Ace of Base loaded on my iPod to rock out old school on the way home! I'm going to have to start constructing the ultimate post-derby playlist. Any suggestions?